“You are Braver than you Believe, Smarter than you Seem, and Stronger than you Think.”
Winnie the Pooh
Monday, August 29, 2011
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Quote: Happiness
Happiness is not so much in having or sharing. We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give. By : Norman MacEwan
Saturday, August 20, 2011
How to be a Good Friend to Someone who has Cancer
First, a disclaimer, I do not even pretend to be able to understand what it’s like to have life threatening cancer. I refuse to insult those who do by likening my experience to theirs. I am fortunate to fight this battle without the possibility of losing. There is endless hope, although sometimes hard to see, at the end of my fight. I have been diagnosed with a treatable form of thyroid cancer, and for the “treatable” I am grateful.
When I set out to write this, I was writing a “10 things no one told me about cancer” post. And while I think some of those notes are valid, I wasn’t happy with that structure—it was a bit too “woe is me” for my liking. So you’ll find that list scattered throughout this list.
When this struggle began, I wasn’t expecting to receive or need so much support from my friends. I recognize how naïve that might sound, but the fact is, I was assuming the struggle came from the mental challenges more than the physical, and I wasn’t anticipating having a challenging mental struggle. I learned it was a combination of both.
This list is a tribute to the amazing and consistent support I have received from a couple specific friends and a catch all for everything any of my friends have done for me these last 2 months.
How to be a good friend to someone who has cancer:
1) Ask questions, but don’t pry
If you are a close friend, and you friend is open, ask questions. Try to learn more and understand more about the disease and the specific challenges your friend is facing. It can be isolating going through this and trying to process and understand and keep track of all the information coming at you. It’s easy to feel like no one you are close to understands.
If you are not a close friend- be careful not to pry. It can be exhausting recanting all the details—and a lot of it is very personal.
2) Hugs- high quality and high quantity.
Okay, maybe you don’t have to hug them all the time. But you should definitely find out how they best receive love (Physical touch, affirmative language, acts of service, quality time, or gifts) and show them appropriate levels of love. If you’ve ever read about the 5 Languages of Love by Dr. Gary Chapman or taken the test you’ll understand a bit more of where I’m coming from. But I’ll just say that I’ve gotten through many a rough days by the grace of hugs and kind words.
3) Be aware of the fears
There are many fears that come along with having Cancer- beyond life and death. Some that plague me:
Feeling Alone- silly when I’m talking about all the great friends I have. But I’m mostly afraid of being alone when I get home from the surgery or later that weekend, when I’m feeling better, but not good enough to go out. I’m a people person and I gain energy from being around people I love.
The Bills- I am blessed with amazing health insurance, but unfortunately these types of things cost money. Even the most affordable co-pays and prescription costs add up after a few months of treatments, then pre-operations appointments and post-operation medications and follow-ups. I’m afraid of not being in control of my financial situation, and bummed about cutting my social spending to cover my health. In the large scale, I know that I am blessed to be able to afford this, but if my car breaks down or another large expense comes my way, I may not be so lucky.
The Aftermath- I went to the doctor not expecting cancer was the root of my health problems. So I am afraid that this might not fix the problems I was having, there’s only a 75 percent chance that it will. I’m so afraid that after beating cancer I’m going to have to continue pursuing treatment for my thyroid, for weight problems and for depression.
Time- I’m afraid of what I’m missing out on by having to slow down at this pivotal time in my life. This is the time for hard work, risk taking and adventures. I’m worried that it will be difficult to get my groove back.
4) Be patient
Have you ever had a headache for a couple days or a sore joint? By the third day do you notice that you’re a little cranky, impatient, more tired than usual? Imagine that as your reality for a few months. I am unbelievably grateful for my friends that have put up with my mood swings, irrational emotions and general crankiness.
For a normally energetic and generally positive person, this type of constant mental and physical exhaustion is frustrating, confusing and limiting.
5) Be understanding without claiming to understand.
6) Be Aware
While it’s unlikely that you will be thinking about the disease or its effects often, it is on the forefront of your friend’s mind often. Just keep that in mind.
If there is anything I can say to conclude my thoughts on the ability to overcome these struggles it is that there is no anti-nausea medicine or therapy better than the support and love of a few good friends.
When I set out to write this, I was writing a “10 things no one told me about cancer” post. And while I think some of those notes are valid, I wasn’t happy with that structure—it was a bit too “woe is me” for my liking. So you’ll find that list scattered throughout this list.
When this struggle began, I wasn’t expecting to receive or need so much support from my friends. I recognize how naïve that might sound, but the fact is, I was assuming the struggle came from the mental challenges more than the physical, and I wasn’t anticipating having a challenging mental struggle. I learned it was a combination of both.
This list is a tribute to the amazing and consistent support I have received from a couple specific friends and a catch all for everything any of my friends have done for me these last 2 months.
How to be a good friend to someone who has cancer:
1) Ask questions, but don’t pry
If you are a close friend, and you friend is open, ask questions. Try to learn more and understand more about the disease and the specific challenges your friend is facing. It can be isolating going through this and trying to process and understand and keep track of all the information coming at you. It’s easy to feel like no one you are close to understands.
If you are not a close friend- be careful not to pry. It can be exhausting recanting all the details—and a lot of it is very personal.
2) Hugs- high quality and high quantity.
Okay, maybe you don’t have to hug them all the time. But you should definitely find out how they best receive love (Physical touch, affirmative language, acts of service, quality time, or gifts) and show them appropriate levels of love. If you’ve ever read about the 5 Languages of Love by Dr. Gary Chapman or taken the test you’ll understand a bit more of where I’m coming from. But I’ll just say that I’ve gotten through many a rough days by the grace of hugs and kind words.
3) Be aware of the fears
There are many fears that come along with having Cancer- beyond life and death. Some that plague me:
Feeling Alone- silly when I’m talking about all the great friends I have. But I’m mostly afraid of being alone when I get home from the surgery or later that weekend, when I’m feeling better, but not good enough to go out. I’m a people person and I gain energy from being around people I love.
The Bills- I am blessed with amazing health insurance, but unfortunately these types of things cost money. Even the most affordable co-pays and prescription costs add up after a few months of treatments, then pre-operations appointments and post-operation medications and follow-ups. I’m afraid of not being in control of my financial situation, and bummed about cutting my social spending to cover my health. In the large scale, I know that I am blessed to be able to afford this, but if my car breaks down or another large expense comes my way, I may not be so lucky.
The Aftermath- I went to the doctor not expecting cancer was the root of my health problems. So I am afraid that this might not fix the problems I was having, there’s only a 75 percent chance that it will. I’m so afraid that after beating cancer I’m going to have to continue pursuing treatment for my thyroid, for weight problems and for depression.
Time- I’m afraid of what I’m missing out on by having to slow down at this pivotal time in my life. This is the time for hard work, risk taking and adventures. I’m worried that it will be difficult to get my groove back.
4) Be patient
Have you ever had a headache for a couple days or a sore joint? By the third day do you notice that you’re a little cranky, impatient, more tired than usual? Imagine that as your reality for a few months. I am unbelievably grateful for my friends that have put up with my mood swings, irrational emotions and general crankiness.
For a normally energetic and generally positive person, this type of constant mental and physical exhaustion is frustrating, confusing and limiting.
5) Be understanding without claiming to understand.
6) Be Aware
While it’s unlikely that you will be thinking about the disease or its effects often, it is on the forefront of your friend’s mind often. Just keep that in mind.
If there is anything I can say to conclude my thoughts on the ability to overcome these struggles it is that there is no anti-nausea medicine or therapy better than the support and love of a few good friends.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Values.com Quote of the Day
“We are here to add what we can to, not get what we can from, life. ”
Sir William Osler (1849-1919);
Canadian physician, founding professor at Johns Hopkins Hospital
Sir William Osler (1849-1919);
Canadian physician, founding professor at Johns Hopkins Hospital
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Love: Quote of the Day
Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.
Lucille Ball
Lucille Ball
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Do More: Foster Care
For as long as I can remember I’ve wanted to adopt or foster children. I would like to have one “of my own” because I think that would be a beautiful experience and I’d hate to miss it, but I know that there are so many amazing kids in the world just waiting for someone to open up their homes and lives to them.
Are you thinking, “I’m not ready to settle down and have kids?” Fear not! While looking around on Kids Matter Inc.’s website I learned about Respite Foster Care:
As defined by the Bureau of Milwaukee Child Welfare (BMCW), “Respite care is alternative care with another licensed out-of-home care provider or BMCW-approved unlicensed provider. Respite care provides safe, temporary placement of a child overnight in a licensed foster home/approved unlicensed home.”
What an incredibly amazing way to support foster families. The way this was explained to me when I spoke to a case worker was: a break for any reason for the families who provide service to kids. Example: Mary and Henry have opened their home for the last 20 years. They’ve had over 100 children stay with them. Henry needs to have back surgery and Mary would (like any loving wife) like to be at the hospital when Henry goes into and comes out of Surgery. This is where Respite Foster Homes come in—they provide a safe place for these children to be while their longer term parents take care of themselves so they can continue providing care. It could be for a night or a weekend, or longer. You only have to take cases you can work into your schedule—there will be no one just showing up and dropping of a child at your house saying “Cancel your plans, this one is yours for the night!”
I have a lot of kids in my family, and they often come to stay the weekend. This is just as simple.There are blue ribbons tied to trees in downtown Milwaukee to raise awareness of the dire need for foster parents—a constant reminder to myself that I can’t keep putting off the process. There’s not much I need to do. I need to (finally) get renters insurance, something I should have done over a year ago. I will need to reorganize my home so that a child coming to spend some time with me has a place to sleep comfortably and to put his or her things. And if I decide to drive around with the child instead of take the bus, I’ll need to up my car insurance. Basically, they want me to be a mature adult and make a little room in my home and heart for a child in need—real simple.
Once I fully survive this summer- it’s on. I’ve already started the process. I have quotes out for renters insurance as we speak. I am looking forward to the opportunity to support foster families, and I think you should consider doing the same.
Want to get involved but just can’t make that big of a commitment? Check out all these different ways you can help.
Once I fully survive this summer- it’s on. I’ve already started the process. I have quotes out for renters insurance as we speak. I am looking forward to the opportunity to support foster families, and I think you should consider doing the same.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Values.com Quote of the Day
I get inspirational quotes emailed to me every day. Some really strike me. This was yesterdays:
“I think the purpose of life is to be useful, responsible, honorable, compassionate. It is, above all, to matter: to count, to stand for something, to have made some difference that you lived at all.”
-Leo Rosten; Writer, teacher
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Introducing: Do more good. Do more Great.
I feel like everyone has one of those introductory posts with all the answers: Who am I? Why am I starting this blog? What am I going to write about? This post will be no different.
I am a twenty something who awakes each “morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day.” (Mad props to Elwyn Brooks White for that quote) A combination of big dreams and high hopes can sometimes leave me overwhelmed with everything I want to do to leave my mark on the world. Outside of becoming a good wife and mother, I want so much more. For myself, I want a career that combines my passions with my talents. For my current family, I want peace. For my friends, I want it all. For my future children, I want a world of opportunity and community. For all of life, I want love.
I am starting this blog because I’ve had a rough summer and I need to own it, and to turn it into something better. I’ve been reflecting on the things that have gotten me through these rough times and I thought, for a girl who wants to help others, this is an opportunity. An opportunity to share what I’ve learned, throw out rocks that will hopefully become ripples and challenge myself and others to do more.
I’ve been told in the past that my strength is inspirational, but the truth is—I’m only as strong as the community of beautiful souls I surround myself with. So, I’m writing this blog for them as a thanks and as a tribute.
I am going to write about some of the challenges I’ve had this summer: not the details of the challenges but the facts of the survival. I’m going to cast out ideas of things I’d like to do in hopes of giving and finding advice and inspiration. I’ll write of the ways I am trying to become a better leader and person. And I’m going to share advice I’ve been given in the past.
Enjoy!
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